I feel like I let you down, like I failed you... And I hate myself for it. I'm a shadow of who I once were, kinda like an empty shell, and indeed empty I feel.
I need... I need to get my head together. I can't keep going like this, that I know. How am I supposed to take care of others when I'm a complete mess? And I've always been like this, I don't take care of myself, never did, and never learned how to. Why? Simply because I don't matter to me, I much rather look after someone else. That's just how I work. Problem is right now things have gone too far and my weakened and deteriorated state has come in the way of my desire to help others. I'm not sleeping, not thinking straight, strongly demotivated, depressed and engaging in self-destructive behavior. I've got to stop being weak, gather up the strength I got left in me and stand tall. Besides that might help me avoid those personal questions about my well being that I so hate to answer. It can't be that hard actually, I don't need to be happy and healthy I just need to look the part. Get my head slightly above water level, just enough to breathe. After all fixing me would go against my ways.
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